I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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