I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
