She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
