Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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