I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
