i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
