i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
