Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
That's how pantless uber rides happen
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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