I didn't shave. On purpose
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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