I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
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Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
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By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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