ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
