I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
