I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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