I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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