I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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