my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
