Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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