The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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