3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize