i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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