Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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