So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
