We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
