I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
