Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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