Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
