if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
