im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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