Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
