You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
