i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
