im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
