I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
