he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
