Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
