mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
