I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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