I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You were trust falling into bushes
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
