omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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