i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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