I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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