i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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