I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
