he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
