All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
