i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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