actually, I'm a sock model
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
