Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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