how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Of course I have a pirate flag
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
