When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
