the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
