meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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