i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
