she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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