Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
