He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
