I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
