dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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