I seem to have left my pride at pride
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
