Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
