can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
