Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
