I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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