i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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