So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
If that was your dad, he is hot
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
