I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
