im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
